


Baby Blue, why?

by enigmaticma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hermaphrodites, Implied Consent, M/M, Mpreg, Road Trips, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21546265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticma/pseuds/enigmaticma
Summary: Abandoned by his five years love, Jongdae made the choice to run away from his life and have a healing trip in Jeju. He almost failed until he met the dashing Byun Baekhyun who took him in the best trip of his life. A trip that ended with a heavy heart and a growing bump.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Oh Sehun, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 111
Collections: #BabyMakingFest2019





	Baby Blue, why?

**Author's Note:**

> Code : BMF126
> 
> Pairing : Jongdae/Baekhyun
> 
> Carrier : Jongdae
> 
> Pregnancy : Pre/during pregnancy
> 
> Babies : Any of the two (Only one or More than one)
> 
> Summery: after a hearthbreaking break up, Jongdae made the choice to run away from his world to Jeju island. In the hope of finding peace, he allowed a total stranger who changed his life completely.
> 
> Just to clarify things : The first sex scene is not Dub-con. I made Jongdae give physical consent.  
> The story is mainly from Jongdae's side if there is a confusion about how Baekhyun, Bear in mind you only see one side of the story. Thank you for reading.

Chanyeol didn't say goodbye. He just left. 

Jongdae was out purchasing him gifts and preparing for their 5th anniversary only to discover a note with Chanyeol's extra key upon his return. And the cruelest part? It was a simple "I am sorry," written in an obvious hurry.

Jongdae thought it was a joke at first. Chanyeol loves playing pranks on him. so he cooked, showered, prepared himself, took his pills, and made sure the pack of condoms was full. He wore nice clothes, perfumed himself nicely and stood nervously with a big gift in hand. 

An hour passed and Jongdae's weary legs ushered him to the couch. Meantime, he kept calling Chanyeol but only reached a dial tone.

Two hours passed and Jongdae called Kyungsoo, his dearest friend, who picked after the third try. "Soo…"

"Are you still home?" Jongdae hummed as Kyungsoo sounded like in a hurry, "I was in a dinner with some clients and I hadn't seen Chanyeol's message until now." Kyungsoo screamed Taxi and Jongdae could feel his eyes well up in tears."I am coming. Okay? Just wait."

Jongdae sniffed, trying to swallow his pain, and smiled, "I will." Jongdae waited where he was until Kyungsoo knocked on his door. Jongdae opened the door only to be pulled into a hug. "Soo." Jongdae sobbed before could hold it in, "It is our fifth anniversary but…"

"Chanyeol sent me a message saying that he is leaving and that I have to make sure you move on." Kyungsoo sounded angry but his face was unreadable. "You are going to do just that, Dae. You will move on."

Jongdae blinked at his friend, "Move on? From what?" Kyungsoo led him to the couch and Jongdae sat there with a blank mind, "It's the last five years of my life, the years I spent with someone I gave my all to, how can I move on?"

Kyungsoo held his cheeks, "One step at a time, that's how." Jongdae nodded, and Kyungsoo could do nothing but squeeze his hands, "We will start slow and you will manage to live your life normally until you meet someone worth your heart." Jongdae nodded, and Kyungsoo realized he was too shocked to do anything. "First things first, sleep at my place, Sehun won't mind having you for a while."

"No," Jongdae spoke with a firm tone, "I can stay."

Kyungsoo sighed, "Just for tonight then? For me?" Jongdae sighed and allowed Kyungsoo to haul him out. They took the car that Chanyeol was kind enough to leave behind and manoeuvred to Kyungsoo's apartment. Sehun was supportive and even snuggled with Jongdae as Kyungsoo prepared the guest room.

They were sympathetic to the point it hurt and he wanted to run away from it. The good part, however, was that they cleaned his house, making sure to collect everything Chanyeol related out of the house. The month's rent was paid so Jongdae had to stay there until he could pack, sell his stuff and move in with his younger brother Jongin.

Jongin had no idea what happened but said nothing as long as Jongdae kept the house clean. Jongdae somewhat needed that.

But he didn't plan to stay. 

Once he had saved enough money from selling his furniture and the car, Jongdae quit his job and announced he would head to Jeju.

"But why did you leave your Job?" Jongin asked him, annoyed, "do you know how hard it is for anyone to have a job nowadays?"

"It is okay," Jongdae smiled, more out of habit than anything, "I will manage. Don't worry." Jongin could only look at him in worry. Jongdae left for Jeju with a small bag that contained plain clothes in it. Two normal pairs of jeans, two pairs of underwear, and five white shirts, and no skin care, no accessories - Jongdae felt like it was pointless for him to look good. 

He reached Jeju, looked for a cramped room to rent, made a tour of the fields, and even took the time to take pictures for his sns accounts. He wanted his friends to feel relieved he was taking a legitimate healing trip. 

Because that is what he had called it, a healing trip. 

The first week was eventless, Jongdae explored places, tried foods and got plenty of sleep. Yet his heart and mind hadn't found peace at all. 

Whenever he saw a couple, it became hard for him to breathe. His mind kept questioning what he had done to chase Chanyeol out of his life. It had been about four months and a half-month since he left. Jongdae tried calling Chanyeol The entire time until he ultimately gave up. Chanyeol had definitely replaced his number, and reaching for him only made it worse.

So Jongdae tried to talk about how it felt. He tried to find answers to all his torturing questions. Yet, he failed to find the peace he looked for. So, he decided to drink until no thought remained . He was walking in the city when a colorful entrance caught his eyes. A bar had an LGBTQ+ flag on the door, and he went in without thinking too much about what would happen if he got drunk in such private bars with his condition

He didn't care. 

"Something strong," He told the bartender, "the strongest you've got," he added before the man could talk. 

"Oof," a voice by his side said teasingly, and Jongdae didn’t mind it even if he looked at the man, struck by the man's handsomeness."Someone came here to drink his sorrow down." Jongdae didn't answer, and the man didn't push, but he still kept staring at Jongdae all the same.

The drink came, and Jongdae gulped it in one go. The bitterness, the acidity, the ugly taste, and the painful aftertaste were expected, but Jongdae didn't realize he was cutely throwing small kicks in his seat, as a result. He didn't note how the man by his side smiled widely. "One more," Jongdae slipped out his wallet and gave the bartender his credit card. He got his drink but didn't realize that the man pushed his card away and gave the bartender a look as he returned the card to Jongdae.

Jongdae tried to keep his head up after that but he felt his stomach lurch in pain. He nearly vomited when the stranger held him, escorting him to the bathroom. He vomited his guts as soon as he was set on his knees. "There, there, you are okay."

"I am not." Jongdae whimpered, his eyes shedding finally the tears he needed to shed. "I will never be okay," he gasped before trying to vomit again but nothing came out, and he leaned on the sink, washing his mouth off the fool taste. "How can I be fine when he didn't bother to explain himself and abandoned me with a pitiful note, huh?"

Jongdae didn't know it, but he was pretty drunk at that point. The stranger seemed to realize that. "Come, I am sure I can provide you a ride," Jongdae pushed him away and tried to stand on his own. 

"Don't act like I matter," Jongdae hissed, "Why would a good looking guy like you even look at someone insignificant like me?"

The stranger was shocked for a while,"You think I am good looking?"

"I think you are hot!" Jongdae yelled it, "now let me go drink my ass off." The stranger laughed and Jongdae blushed, "Fuck you and your beautiful laugh. I laugh like a whale… no wonder he left me." Jongdae was about to sob when a body scotched itself to his and lips kissed his lips in a hungry manner.

"Didn't you want to drink?" Jongdae nodded after a while, "Let us drink." That is how Jongdae found himself with four more beers, spilling his life to the man in front of him who listened, unable to make out half of what Jongdae said. 

Jongdae felt like he drank enough and was about to pay for his extra drinks but a hand held his and another hand snatched the wallet, "Hey, that is mine." Jongdae tried snatch it back as he noticed the man looking through it. 

The stranger chuckled, "You want it, Jongdae?"Jongdae pouted and rested his head on the stranger as he nodded, "Then come with me."

Jongdae nodded and followed the man to a black car. He lay on the seat, looking at the busy city without saying a word. He soon found himself in a big hotel, led silently to a room. He took his shoes off at the door and made his way inside when a hand pulled him back.

He was suddenly looking at dark eyes, "Baekhyun,'' the man said suddenly and Jongdae let out a confused hum and the man grinned, leaning close, "My name is Baekhyun, make sure to call me by my name."

Jongdae smiled brightly, tearing up, "Your name is beautiful." Jongdae couldn't say more as Baekhyun kissed him with strength and passion and he gave back as much passion when Baekhyun slammed him to a wall. Baekhyun only pulled back from the kiss when Jongdae felt a rush of energy kick in. He could feel a little more sober the more Baekhyun kissed him, and god knew how he wanted more. "Baekhyun," he whined in despair pulling Baekhyun closer and the man looked at his eyes briefly before kissing him again. 

He guided Jongdae to the bed, before pushing Jongdae down to bed. Jongdae unbuckled his own pants, before hinting to Baekhyun to come close. He didn’t trust his mind despite how the dizziness faded. Baekhyun seemed struck by Jongdae’s boldness. "Do you realize where this is going?"

"Baekhyun," Jongdae smiled nodding , taking his shirt off, and Baekhyun started taking off his clothes, "You are so hot," Jongdae whined pouting, "This is unfair."

"How is it unfair when you are looking like this?" Baekhyun approached Jongdae and kissed his lips before devouring Jongdae's skin, from the man's jaw to moving down to mouth along his happy trail. Jongdae moaned sinfully loud and pushed Baekhyun to trash his pants and underwear out of the way and Baekhyun felt his body would burn at that. "Fuck, you are making me go crazy."

"I am already crazy, and I don't want to be crazy alone," Jongdae smiled as Baekhyun faced him, "Why would a hot guy spare me a glance, otherwise?"

Baekhyun frowned, "You don't give yourself enough credit," Jongdae closed his eyes when a light bite on his neck woke his sleeping mind, "I will prove it to you," Baekhyun looked at him, "Just make sure to scream my name if you cum." Jongdae realized the man was dead serious about it as his fogginess started to fade.

Baekhyun gave Jongdae a trail of bites all the way the base of his length before giving it a lick. Jongdae was probably drunk, but he surely knew he will remember this night forever. He screamed Baekhyun's name at every move the man did which was a lot. Baekhyun prepared him, letting him go to pick condoms and a bottle of lube from his stuff. 

Jongdae spread himself as soon as Baekhyun got ready and Baekhyun smiled, "Ready for me?" Nodding, Jongdae opened his arms asking for a hug that he received once Baekhyun pushed in. 

"Yeol, hmph!" Jongdae tensed around Baekhyun, his body convulsing at the pleasure and he soon grasped what he mentioned, "Baek," he was wrecked as soon as he said that, "Baekhyun, ah! Wait!" The stimulation made him curl as a warmth spread inside him and he felt himself closer to his orgasm at an extremely brisk pace.

Baekhyun held his hip and shoulder. As soon as Jongdae started letting a long high pitched whine, his lips found it fun to suck on his neck. Baekhyun's hands found their ways to his nipples, teasing them endlessly.

"Ah, Baekhyun!" Jongdae started shaking as a wave of pleasure was bursting out him, "I am cumming! Ah!"

"Call my name, Jongdae," Baekhyun sounded like he was getting just as close and Jongdae was ready to live his life hearing that tone, "Please. Call my name."

Jongdae held his cheek and moaned his name loud as he released. Baekhyun took a moment to fall back to reality, sliding off to take the condom off and joining a sleeping Jongdae in bed. 

In the morning, he woke up cuddled by a warm body glued to him and the memories of the previous night did hit him so he looked at Baekhyun who was awake and observing him. Jongdae could only smile "Good morning, Baekhyun." Baekhyun smiled, kissing his forehead and Jongdae's initial confusion grew as he observed Baekhyun in bed.

He blushed when he noticed Baekhyun's nudity but said nothing as Baekhyun picked the hotel phone, "A breakfast for two, please." Jongdae blushed further and curled inside the covers as Baekhyun looked at him with a smile, Tthank you," he ended the call. Baekhyun approached the bed and caressed Jongdae's hair, "How do you feel this morning? Was I hard on you?"

Jongdae moved inside the bed and shook his head, shyly looking everywhere but Baekhyun, "I feel good."

"Good then, let us take a shower," Baekhyun held Jongdae and pulled the man who wanted to object because… he looked at Baekhyun, waiting for something to explain what the man planned to do with him but said nothing. Baekhyun was actually kind to him and gave him space after the shower. "Breakfast is here!" Baekhyun simply called him and Jongdae sighed.

What did he have to lose anyway? He wondered. If Baekhyun was looking for someone to play with, he had nothing to lose anyway.

He picked his phone from the ground and his wallet, only to realize the picture of him and Yeol he had there had been removed. He recalled Baekhyun looking at the wallet in the bar. Even if he was drunk, he could recall details of the bar and more of their night intercourses. He was okay with the sex but why Baekhyun was doing so much for him?

He joined Baekhyun who patted on the spot by his side, "So, Dae, why are you in Jeju? You didn't tell me yesterday."

Jongdae looked at the cup of coffee he had in hands and sighed, "I was tired of my friends and family trying to patch me up like I was a broken doll. I needed time to get myself together so I started a healing trip here in Jeju." He noticed that Baekhyun paid attention to his words, "I had been in Jeju for one week already and I plan to stay here for as long as my money allows it."

"I am here for a healing trip too," Baekhyun admitted, handing Jongdae toast he made sure to smear with jam, "I had a stressful year and I spoke to my boss, who is also a friend of mine and he gave me a three months break."

"Three months?" Jongdae blinked confusedly and Baekhyun nodded, "that's a long time."

Baekhyun laughed "I didn't have a break since I joined the company seven years ago, so it wasn't too much in his eyes." Jongdae smiled as Baekhyun looked at him with a happy smile, "He even insisted on giving me seven months but I can't be away from work that long." Baekhyun seemed to remember, "I made him promise me to send me emails if something needed my attention. By the way, where is my laptop…"

A cute laugh made him stop to look at Jongdae who shook his head and sipped his coffee. Jongdae noticed his eyes, "I bet you checked your emails yesterday." 

Baekhyun gave Jongdae a fake affronted look but sighed in defeat, "Yeah, guilty as charged." Jongdae chuckled and Baekhyun responded with a pout, "But I didn't have anything to do before."

"Now you do?" Jongdae asked him teasingly, brushing off the odd feeling that he is getting way too comfortable.

A kiss landed on his cheek and he looked at Baekhyun who smiled to him, "Now I have you to distract me." Baekhyun held his hand and Jongdae blushed madly, "Will you keep me distracted?"

Jongdae was shocked enough not to ask him why and Baekhyun pushed it further by kissing Jongdae. He didn't react for a second but answered the kiss, melting into that strawberry jam kiss. The breakfast was soon forgotten as Baekhyun leaned over Jongdae and kissed the hell out of him. "Baekhyun…" Jongdae breathed it out.

"Fuck…" Baekhyun hissed and sat straight before sighing, giving a shaken Jongdae a smile. "I guess I can't take my hands and lips away from you."

_ Why _ . Jongdae wanted to know but he simply looked away, "Do you have plans?"

"No, do you?" Jongdae did have places in mind that is how he and Baekhyun ended up on massage tables, getting the knots in their muscles undone before lunch. Jongdae enjoyed it even if Baekhyun's behavior was still stuck in his mind.

They had lunch and walked all the way to a beautiful spot. "Can I take a picture of us?" Jongdae asked and Baekhyun simply nodded. 

Jongdae posted the pictures with a simple caption, "Had a beautiful day with a beautiful man."

Baekhyun blushed madly when he saw it and smiled looking at Jongdae, "Now, I am not hot, just beautiful?"

Jongdae was surprised by that and blushed, "You are always hot,"  _ which is why I don't understand the reason you are with me of all people. _ "Let’s take a walk."

At the end of the day, Baekhyun walked Jongdae to the room he rented but didn't push Jongdae to take his stuff and move in with him. Jongdae was glad he didn't. "I will pick you up tomorrow morning, we will go swimming at the beach, okay?" 

Jongdae said nothing about having nothing to wear but somehow Baekhyun showed up with a swim shorts the next day. "This is for you! Wear it now!"

He left Baekhyun at the door and stripped to wear the shorts. He wondered how Baekhyun could guess his waist with such precision but remember he had left his pants on Baekhyun’s floort. Baekhyun must have taken the freedom to read his size the same way he read his name and took out Chanyeol's pictures.

But, as he watched Baekhyun talk about something, he realized he didn't care. He was feeling something other than pain and it was all he came to Jeju for. "Jongdae?" Baekhyun snapped his fingers and Jongdae blinked confusedly before blushing as he realized he was looking at Baekhyun too intensively. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jongdae blushed further, "You are just too good looking to be true." It made Baekhyun laugh and Jongdae loved that sound instantly. They reached a beach and Jongdae picked up the sun screen, "Do you want me to put it on your back?" Baekhyun had taken off his shirt when he asked and he nodded with a bright smile. Jongdae massaged the lotion, enjoying the sight of his lean back. Baekhyun wasn't muscular like Chanyeol but his body was a die for.

He enjoyed running his hand on the man's skin and soon realized he had been doing that for a long time. Baekhyun didn't say a word and only turned to him with a mischievous smile, "You’re enjoying what you see?" Jongdae looked at him briefly, feeling hot under his skin and nodded. "Let me put some on your back." He took off his shirt and faced the other way, noticing an old man throwing dirty looks toward them. "Don't look at anyone but me, Jongdae." Jongdae flinched at the sudden cold that hit his back and soon warm hands landed above that spot, pressing on his skin as if to mark it forever.

Baekhyun took his time and Jongdae tried not to read too much to it. Baekhyun handed him the bottle and he spread sunscreen on his skin while Baekhyun kept massaging his back, at a slower pace. Jongdae was surprised when hands held his side and a chin landed on his shoulder, "I wonder how can you be so cute even when you are silent." Jongdae looked at him, "It makes me want to fuck you right here and now, just to pull delicious expressions out of you."

Jongdae felt his body tense but his mind had given in already, "I would give them to you anytime, you just have to ask." He smirked teasingly, "I am sure some here would love the show."

Baekhyun chuckled, "You are a naughty little boy." Jongdae suddenly looked like he’d been slapped and Baekhyun's expression shifted to worry but Jongdae soon looked away and picked up the ball he brought.

He had no idea that Jongdae used to hear that from Chanyeol a lot and the memories of Chanyeol had yet to disappear.

"Let us play water ball!" Jongdae stood, spreading his face into a smile so wide that Baekhyun knew it was fake. "The last to the water is a potato!" 

Baekhyun laughed and raced Jongdae to the water. They fell in together, laughed, played and swam for a while before leaving the water. "Let us have lunch!" Baekhyun held covered Jongdae with towels and pushed him, "Go to that seafood place, I am coming right after you." Jongdae did and Baekhyun stood to watch him, thinking how small and adorable Jongdae looked. "The worst kind of distraction," Baekhyun smiled warmly and picked their stuff before following his man.

That day, Baekhyun took another step, asking Jongdae to move in with him. "I mean, unless you think I am invading your privacy."

"No, I am okay with that," Jongdae leaned on the table, "but why me?"

Baekhyun smiled and leaned to approach Jongdae, "Why not you?" Jongdae frowned, "I am not planning things, Jongdae, I follow my instinct and it tells me to keep you close. Can I?"

Jongdae didn't care. He knew that once the three months will be over, he will no longer be Baekhyun's priority. He also knew that he hasn’t moved on yet but Baekhyun made so much effort. He simply nodded and Baekhyun seemed to light up like a christmas tree. They picked up his stuff, using the shower of the small inn to wash off the sand and salt before heading to the hotel. 

Once there, Baekhyun invited Jongdae to take a longer and proper shower and Jongdae simply pouted, "Won't you take it with me?" Baekhyun did more than that. He kissed Jongdae as soon as they got in the shower, smiling happily to Jongdae who mirrored his expression. He was happy that someone was excited to have him around. It made him feel human again.

Baekhyun didn't push things further as he washed Jongdae and took him out for more exploring. They found shops that sell different kinds of food and even if Jongdae had tried some, having Baekhyun made him feel like he just started his healing trip. 

He took tons of pictures, sharing them on SNS. As he expected, his friends had a lot of questions about Baekhyun. He gave them no answer.

Baekhyun held his hand and Jongdae smiled, "I am sharing my journey with my friends, like this they won't worry." He squeezed Baekhyun's hand back, "I hope you don't mind." Baekhyun shook his head and continued eating. They continued their tour when Baekhyun decided that the next day they will take the car to visit the further points and even have a picnic in a nice area. 

Jongdae didn't mind Baekhyun decided. He had three months of pure bliss and he was willing to take it all. However, he felt like he forgot something and couldn't tell what was it.

The night came and Jongdae gave himself to Baekhyun who loved it and gave him back as much care and might as he had. Jongdae tasted heaven at every round, sobbing Baekhyun's name as he asked for more.

The next day, Baekhyun and Jongdae had a picnic in an empty area. The nature around them was amazing and they held each other as they looked around. "Thank you," Baekhyun suddenly spoke and Jongdae looked at him in surprise, "Thank you for putting up with me." 

Jongdae chuckled, "Don't worry," he leaned to kiss Baekhyun's cheek and the man smiled at that, "I like it." Baekhyun kissed him and Jongdae lied down to welcome more. But instead Baekhyun pulled him up, still kissing him and took it to the back of his car. "Baek…" Baekhyun undressed him and Jongdae waited as Baekhyun fixed the front seats positions and sat down. Jongdae didn't wait for instructions, unzipping Baekhyun and wrapping his hand around his shaft, his eyes locked on Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun gave the best expressions as he swallowed his length, pushing the pants and underwear back. He sucked Baekhyun off as if it was the last time, taking his time, pushing it to his limit, pressing with his tongue. He didn't take his eyes off Baekhyun, waiting for the signs of him getting close to the edge.

He was waiting because he wanted Baekhyun to take him soon and Baekhyun soon did, pulling Jongdae to sit up and face the front seat. Jongdae hugged the back of the seat as Baekhyun pushed his fingers in, stretching Jongdae out good before Jongdae felt the awaited burning hot length push in. He felt a small nudge on his side and soon was rocked back onto Baekhyun's length, with Baekhyun's hands holding tight onto his ass. 

He was sobbing as he used his strength to rid himself of the burning need in his body. "Baekhyun. Baekhyun. BAEKHYUN!" He arched back as he was hit full force by his orgasm, staining the back of the seat he was facing. His lungs were burning as Baekhyun kept going and he didn't mind the abuse on his prostate because he was feeling arousal beginning to burn in him again.

The warmth that spread itself inside Jongdae whenever he was with Baekhyun like this flared up inside him again and Jongdae had to bite his lips to keep real sobs from coming out of his lips. His emotions were a mess and he had been pushing them back every time. He knew that Baekhyun had filled him and he was ready to fill him more. 

Another release later, Jongdae rested on the backseats as Baekhyun used towels to clean him up. He picked up a blanket and covered Jongdae then stood there. Jongdae looked at Baekhyun using the phone, taking pictures, and he shouldn't feel sad but soon sobs left his lips as Baekhyun started talking with his mother on the phone. 

He sat up, wincing, and dried his cheeks before picking his clothes he wore. He forced himself back to lie above Baekhyun. The last was lying on the drape they laid on the ground to eat on while speaking to his mother and Jongdae’s presence made his quite happy.

Baekhyun's fingers ran on his hair and he closed his eyes, enjoying it when Baekhyun suddenly moved. "Are you hungry?" Baekhyun asked him worriedly and Jongdae nodded, sitting up and Baekhyun handed him a sandwich. They spoke about everything, joking about things they found funny and Jongdae felt in control again. 

They headed to the room and Baekhyun was in a cuddling mode which Jongdae enjoyed completely. He woke up on Baekhyun arguing on the phone and left the bed for the shower. 

He noticed Baekhyun's pissed look as he left it and took his time to dry his hair, walking around butt naked. He wanted to attract Baekhyun's attention and cheer him up. He was soon handed a robe. "Wear something or you will catch a cold." Baekhyun tense and cold tone made Jongdae nod, ashamed as he wore the robe. He picked up his clothes and wore them, not even daring to make a sound as he joined Baekhyun at the table where breakfast awaited. 

He eyed Baekhyun who was scrolling through his phone and took his breakfast. As he spread jam on his toast, Jongdae realized that fear had built up within him again. He feared Baekhyun would be leaving him next, without a note. He felt his sight blur and swallowed his tears as he bit on his toast. Baekhyun was busy typing he didn't notice how Jongdae was forcing himself to eat. 

Jongdae tried to hold in his tears and dried the tiny hint of tears from his lower lashline. He finished breakfast and silently went to the balcony, looking at the beach and finally allowing his tears to fall.

_ " _ Why are you crying, Jongdae? You are a toy he wanted to play with until he went back to his hectic life," He told himself as he silently crossed his arms and looked at the horizon, wondering if behind that line he was looking at someone was having the same burn in their chest. He swallowed his pain and sorrow as soon as he felt Baekhyun walk close. He dried the tears that fell and the snot above his lip. Arms wrapped his waist and Baekhyun's perfume soon invaded his nose.

"I am sorry," Baekhyun tightened his hold on him, "They made a big mistake at work and I had to supervise from the phone." Jongdae nodded resting his arms above Baekhyun's and his head on Baekhyun's shoulder. They stood like that for a while until Jongdae could feel the knot in his throat loosen enough for him to speak. 

He smiled up at Baekhyun, "Let us try the rice wine we heard about last time." Jongdae expected Baekhyun to nod, but instead he simply kissed Jongdae. 

Baekhyun pulled Jongdae to the bed, "Can we skip today? I want to spend my day," he pushed Jongdae to lie down and lied above him, "Right here." 

Jongdae chuckled, "We can do that." Of course they did more than that. Baekhyun made love to him the entire day. They were too unwilling to leave the room so they decided to go on without condoms, and after each round Jongdae felt a nagging feeling inside him grow bigger and bigger.

Of course they had small breaks, ate lunch, showered three times, and watched a film on the laptop at the late hours of the night. They slept cuddling and it made Jongdae's heart at ease somehow.

The next days were rather normal, they would follow different routes, act like the loving couple they were and return to the hotel. They went to the beach too, many times at night where Baekhyun managed to find a hidden spot to wreck Jongdae at.

Jongdae was surprised why he never felt used all that time, he didn't know why his heart was taking more and more from Baekhyun every day. Two months passed and Jongdae felt way better than before he came. He felt stronger but still that nagging feeling grew inside him and he didn't realize what it was until his doctor called him.

Baekhyun gave him the phone with a frown but said nothing as Jongdae answered. He didn't realize what he was missing until he saw the name on the phone, "Doctor Kim! I am sorry, did I miss an appointment?"

"Well yes," the doctor sounded very worried, "I also know you didn't get your menstrual prescription pills from the pharmacy, I received no confirmation."

Jongdae felt like he screwed up. He made a big mistake, remembering his condition. He was a hermaphrodite: a man with female reproductive system. "I am in Jeju alone, doctor, that is why I totally forgot the appointment." He bowed his head even it the doctor couldn't see it, "I also… forgot my medicines at home. I am so sorry! I will fetch them soon."

"You know that every day without the pill raises the risk of pregnancy," Jongdae's body tensed considerably and he rushed to the balcony and he closed the door behind him, "Jongdae?"

"I am…" he was trembling, "I was active…"

A sigh followed and Jongdae started shedding tears, "Go to the hospital and ask for a proper test and give them my ID to confirm the prescription, okay? I will wait for your results."

Jongdae looked at Baekhyun on the other side of the glass door, "Okay, I will go today," he ended the call soon after and looked at the horizon as he covered his mouth. He was literally sobbing when arms surrounded him.

"What is it? What happened?" Baekhyun held him close, "Please stop crying, Jongdae, or I will start crying with you."

Jongdae sniffed, "It is nothing bad, the doctor who supervised my mental state scolded me because I forgot to visit him and he told me that I shouldn't have stopped the pills he gave me," Baekhyun believed him, as Jongdae was indeed in a bad mood from day one. Noticing so, Jongdae felt guilt stab him in. "He scolded me and asked me to go to the hospital as soon as I can."

Baekhyun let him go at that and picked up his vest, "Let us go right now," Jongdae bit on his lips, shedding more tears. "Hey, it is okay. You're okay."

Jongdae chuckled bitterly because he wasn't.

He was never okay.

Baekhyun drove him to the hospital and Jongdae held his hands, "Can you wait for me here? I am a bit… I need to do this alone."

Considerate, Baekhyun nodded and kissed his head before letting Jongdae go. "I will buy us lunch boxes and we can go to the mountains and eat there." 

With a nod, Jongdae waved goodbye and went in, asking for a blood test run under the recommendation of his doctor. He was done in no time and was promised the results in 24hours. He called his doctor right then, "I did the test."

"Good," the doctor seemed to move, "if you are positive, Jongdae, it is better if you remain under my supervision," the man sounded worried.

"I will," Jongdae sniffed and soon realized he was shedding tears on the street, "it had been more than three months since I had my pills and I had been sexually active in the meantime," he sniffed, "I am sorry to disappoint you."

The doctor sighed, "it is not my job to judge you, Jongdae," the man's reassuring tone only worsened the pain in Jongdae's heart, because it meant he was seen as a weak person again and it hurt, "My job is to make sure you and your potential babies are safe and healthy."

The idea of having a baby without having Baekhyun terrified him and he was glad he ended the call because he couldn't afford to crumble now, "Just one more month, Jongdae," he massaged his stomach in worry, "just one more month."

Baekhyun came with the promised lunch and took him to the mountains where they found shrines and they visited ancient places. It was a change of scenery. "We need to leave the hotel for a few days and make a proper tour of the remaining parts of Jeju," Jongdae offered, smiling to Baekhyun who despite his worries said nothing.

Jongdae was acting weird and he wanted to know the reason why, but he had done too much digging already. He wanted to wait for Jongdae to open up on his pace. 

The next day, Baekhyun checked out of the hotel, accepting Jongdae's plan to travel the island. "I only have twenty days left." The reality of Baekhyun's soon return filled Jongdae with anxiety so he took a taxi to the hospital, letting Baekhyun handle the bags.

As soon as he got his envelope, his heart was praying that he won't be pregnant yet his eyes saw another reality. Positive was written in bold and he had to sit because the world was spinning.

His world was suddenly all gray and the reaction Baekhyun would have was suddenly a terrifying thing to face. He could hear Baekhyun calling him from the car so he tore the paper into tiny pieces and stood, fixing his clothes, to walk towards him with a huge smile.

He ran to Baekhyun who chuckled, "Excited?" Jongdae nodded and sat in the passenger seat. He didn't take his eyes off Baekhyun and the man noticed, "Why are you looking at me like this is the last you will see me?"

Jongdae laughed and shook his head, "I’m was just unable to believe I am in a car with the hottest man on earth." Baekhyun smiled brightly and Jongdae simply leaned to kiss his shoulder. "You are amazing, Baekhyun."

"You are more than amazing," Baekhyun sincerely spoke, "when I met you the first night, I knew you weren't a normal person. You were so cute, so warm and so adorable. I knew I had to do something." He looked at Jongdae only to notice the warm expression he wore as soon his shock died, "What?"

"I didn't notice you saw so much," Jongdae looked away, smiling sadly, "That night I just wanted to find peace, to stop the twisting questions in my mind, and just… live." Jongdae realized he got what he wanted and he laughed suddenly, "Isn't it funny that I got what I wanted after all?"

Baekhyun smiled, "I guess it makes both lucky," Baekhyun didn't explain and Jongdae was glad. They remained silent for a while, enjoying the songs on the radio. 

Their first stop was fun, Jongdae forced himself to make the best of it. Of course, they had sex, they had plenty. Time was fueling Jongdae's eagerness and everytime Baekhyun found pleasure inside him, Jongdae found himself both happy and hurt. 

He wanted and wanted and wanted yet he had no idea of what he would do when time would come. Baekhyun was more and more on his laptop, while Jongdae drove, singing and laughing like his heart wasn't bleeding. 

Baekhyun could tell something was off and he hoped he would get to know more when he takes Jongdae back to Seoul where they could be more of an official couple and Baekhyun could prove to Jongdae that he wasn’t just giving empty promises. 

"One week left and we are back to our hectic lives," Baekhyun pouted and Jongdae chuckled as he rested on Baekhyun's chest. "I have so many plans for my return, one which includes taking you on a coffee date."

Jongdae smiled and lifted his head, "I would be happy to go on a date," Baekhyun frowned because it wasn't the answer he wanted but Jongdae simply kissed him to silence. 

Jongdae was particularly slow that night, he gave Baekhyun extra kisses, moved at a slow pace and kept on going even if Baekhyun was spent. 

Baekhyun was tired so he slept as soon as he did but woke up alone, "Jongdae?" He left the bed in a rush, feeling something was wrong. Jongdae was nowhere to be seen and worse he left his clothes and phone behind with a note.

"Hi, Baekhyunnie.

I wondered why I was left behind without a note and somehow I realized why. It is hard to say goodbye to a person who meant so much to you.

I know you may hate me now, because I left without telling you. I knew I wouldn't have the power to if I waited until I faced you with it.

It was the best three months of my life, literally, and all thanks to you. I wish I could repay you but remaining will only hurt you. You have no idea how terrified I was at the idea of being the reason behind your pain. I know you must be hurt now and I am punishing myself for it, but I am sure that you will move on.

In fact, I left because I don't want to wait until you leave me behind when you realize I was just a nobody, Baekhyun. I love you way too much for that. 

I love you so much that I took a piece of you with me. It will grow to remind me of you while you will forget me.

I love you and I am not sorry. 

The insignificant nobody."

Baekhyun didn't realize he was sobbing until he finished the letter and screamed in Jongdae's shirts. After a while, he calmed down only to pick the phone and go through his contacts. 

The only contact missing, he noticed, was Doctor Kim's phone number. He made Jongdae's friends promise to call him as soon as they reached Jongdae. 

He even called Jongdae's mother, lying that he found the phone and was looking for its owner. It led him nowhere.

Jongdae simply disappeared. 

Seven years have passed since and Jongdae managed to live a decent life even if he sobbed for Baekhyun most of the time. He had a son, seven months after he left the man behind in the hotel room, who he called Jonghyun, Jong from Jongdae and Hyun from Baekhyun.

He was a puppy, almost a portrait of his father, but had many traits of his mommy. The six year old kid was a bright and happy kid despite the struggles they went through. Jongdae regretted many things in his life but Jonghyun was never one of them.

"Hey, Jongdae!" Jongin and he met by pure coincidence three years prior when Jongdae had to move from his house to another because of a pervert. Jongin managed a coffee shop on his way from work, "I found you a great job, better than the crappy job you have."

Jongdae sighed as he didn't need a reminder of the job he had, "What is it this time?"

"It is an assistant for a director, they say it pays up to six hundred thousand won every month," it paused Jongdae and he looked at Jongin who handed him the phone, showing him the notice, "Three years minimum of expertise which I know you have."

"I…" Jongdae was about to say no but then, with a better paying Job, he could give Jonghyun a better future, "Where should I apply?"

"Send your application online or, if you prefer, you can do it personally." Jongdae thought of it and took an appointment to meet the HR director the next day. He made sure to pass by Jongin and let him know. Jongin was happy he made that step and it made Jongdae smile, "Smile often, Hyung. It had been rare to see you smile," Jongdae sighed. "Don't you think it is time to speak to Kyungsoo hyung? He had been looking for you like crazy the past seven years. At least talk to mom by phone instead of sending her cards and gifts on her birthday."

Jongdae shook his head, "I betrayed their trust," Jongin gave him a look, pouting sadly, "I don't want to hurt Jonghyun, Nini," Jongin held his hand, "I had him out of marriage and from a gay relationship. He already suffering because of me."

Jongin held Jongdae's cheeks, "He is not suffering, Hyung. Jonghyun is lucky to have you." Jongdae smiled, "I am sure mom will love him as much I did."

"You love everybody," Jongdae teased back, "You don't count." Jongin chuckled and allowed Jongdae to leave. Jongdae made it on time for the meeting with HR director and handed over his CV with confidence. The director was surprised and asked Jongdae many questions about the reason behind his application. Jongdae left the company with a fixed date for his job interview.

He gave a week notice to his boss and prepared himself, he studied a little about the company and its CEO who apparently will be the director he is assisting. The company was far from being a small one and had many projects so Jongdae spent most of his time at work, preparing. He ignored the nasty remarks his boss gave him and the tiredness that overcame him most days.

The day of the interview, Jongdae made sure to keep Jonghyun with Jongin. "I was stressed, I totally forgot nobody will be available to take care of him," he simply said and Jongin laughed picking his baby nephew who hugged him, waving to his mommy. The man made it an hour before and sat down waiting, praying, and hoping for the best. 

The interview went fine, thankfully, and he was surprised by the fact the CEO witnessing it from the door. "Impressive profile," the man said offering his hand, "I am Kim Junmyeon, the owner and co founder of the Margin Company. I am on a tight schedule so I hope you are ready to work as soon as possible."

Jongdae smiled and shook the hand firmly, "I gave my company a notice about my departure so I can start from Monday."

"Good, be at my office at eight sharp," Jongdae nodded, his smile still forcibly bright and the man left him. He was so happy he left the company with great mood. Once he reached the coffee shop, he was shocked to see his mother with Jonghyun. 

The old woman looked like she lost fifty years of her life and he had tears before he could control it. He approached the table and Jonghyun rushed to his side, "Dae Dae!" It was easier for Jonghyun to call him so in public than to call his mommy  _ dad _ and Jongdae didn't mind. He smiled happily as he picked Jonghyun as he looked at the woman who approached him, longing written on her face.

"I am sorry," it left his lips before he could control it and his mother could only sob. She pulled him to a hug he reciprocated, putting Jonghyun down. He pushed her away and tried to explain himself but she shushed him. 

"Jongin explained to me," Jongdae looked at his brother who held Jonghyun close, "I am the one to be sorry. If I acted positively towards your condition, you wouldn’t feel ashamed for having such an angel." She smiled to Jonghyun and picked him, "Your dad misses you and wants you back home."

"I can't," Jongdae winced as the scars he got from fighting his father were still painful, "Not now, I am… I am not strong enough."

"Neither is your father," Jongdae looked down, "Since you disappeared, he blamed it on himself," it made him look up. "Your father loves you, like you love Jonghyun."

It was enough to melt Jongdae's resolve, that is how he found himself having dinner with his family. His father spoiled Jonghyun who was cute enough to make the old man laugh. Jongdae even stayed that night. 

By the time Monday came, Jongdae felt like a weight was lifted from his chest. He realized how stupid he was to disappear like that and hoped speaking to Kyungsoo would be easier. 

He stood in front of the company in a formal attire. He was there five minutes before 8 and stood by the reception. They allowed him to wait inside the main offices and Jongdae sat down, picking the planner he bought for the job. "Kim Jongdae, just on time," Jongdae looked up to meet the CEO's eyes and if it wasn't for the habit, his smile would have faded as two ice cold eyes landed on him. "Let me introduce you to my main designer and the co-founder of this company," Baekhyun came to the view, "Byun Baekhyun."

Jongdae wondered why his body was shaking, was it the emotions or the fact he longed for Baekhyun for so long. He bowed formally, "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"I am heading to my office now, Myun," Baekhyun sounded neutral but Jongdae could feel his tone stab him in the guts. Looking up, he met Baekhyun's eyes, "it was nice to meet you," Baekhyun eyed him suddenly from head to toe, "Assistant Kim."

The title made it worse. It was like Baekhyun built a wall he could never break and Jongdae's heart started bleeding more. He focused of course. Working even with a bleeding heart was what he trained himself for and Junmyeon was nice not to push him to perfection. 

Jongdae didn't mind forcing himself to work 100% all the time, because it meant he won't have to think about Baekhyun. By lunch, Jongdae took his sandwich and coffee, and curled by the emergency door to cope with the day. 

He allowed his mind to wander back to the cold Baekhyun who met him 4 hours prior and smiled as tears ran down. "You still are the hottest man I’ve met." 

His new career choice started on the wrong foot and he hoped Baekhyun would let him be until he finds a way out. 

He can't look for a job just after finding one, it was professionally frowned upon. So he returned the next day and the day after, meeting Baekhyun only so rarely, and trying to live with that. 

He made friends like Luhan, from Marketing department, who insisted on bringing him lunch. "Sandwiches are not enough in our job, I tell you. You need something hardy like meat and proteins." Jongdae simply chuckled at that and said nothing.

The weekend came and Jongdae was glad he would have free time with his son. Jonghyun was excited when he picked him up from his mother's place. "Come to eat dinner tomorrow!" Jongdae nodded to his mother and walked back home with an excited kid by his side. Jonghyun was going to start school soon and Jongdae enjoyed his son's excitement.

He made it home and opened the door for Jonghyun to run inside, "Yah, take your shoes off," Jongdae didn't notice someone was looking at him from the staircase as he closed the door. He was about step further in when knocks made him return to the door. 

As soon as he opened it, he was suddenly yanked and pushed to the wall, knocking some frames, and kissed. It scared Jonghyun who screamed, "Mommy!" Jongdae was suddenly free and he looked at the fierce looking Baekhyun who was looking at the kid. 

Jonghyun was crying hard when he picked up his kid, "Hey, baby, Mommy is fine." Jongdae hugged Jonghyun, making him calm down. "Go finish changing and come back so we can watch Spongebob together." Jonghyun nodded and looked at the man still frozen in the door, "Don't worry, he just missed Mommy so much." 

"Mommy?" It left Baekhyun's lips as soon as Jonghyun left the room and Jongdae stood up, looking everywhere but him. "He looks so much like me."

"He does," Jongdae blushed when he said that and had to move so he walked to the kitchen, "Banana milk, Baekhyun? That is all I have that’s drinkable in the house." Baekhyun didn't answer and Jongdae dared to look at him only to find that Baekhyun was crying. "Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun said nothing, calmly leaving. Jongdae cried himself to sleep, that weekend. On Monday, Junmyeon announced that Baekhyun was taking a week long break from work. Jongdae didn't know what to feel about that, "I am glad he is finally letting go and taking a break. He worked nonstop since the last time he had a break." Junmyeon rarely confided to him so it was surprising. "I know he is heartbroken but seven years is a long time take to move on."

Jongdae would love to agree but he hadn’t moved on either. That night, Jongdae was glad his mother insisted on keeping Jonghyun because Baekhyun was by his door. He silently opened the door and allowed Baekhyun in.

"Where is the kid?" Baekhyun asked him suddenly as he sat down in front of the table for two he had. Baekhyun didn't look at him, looking around and looking at the pictures on the wall. He seemed to notice a picture in particular. It was the first picture he took of them. 

"Jonghyun is with his grandparents," Baekhyun scoffed.

"I know for a fact that you spoke to no one for seven years," Baekhyun looked at the pictures. "It seems you could handle yourself just fine without us."

"I had to," Jongdae looked at the first picture he had of Jonghyun, he caressed it, "Seven months after that summer, I had a small angel whom I had to protect."

Baekhyun made the calculations in his mind and looked at Jongdae as if the man was kidding. Shock, horror, confusion run though his face like a truck and soon realization was clear in his face. "Jong… Hyun." His tears were noticeable on his cheeks and the pain in his face was evident as he stood to face Jongdae. "The piece of me you took with you and watched it grow… was Jonghyun." Jongdae nodded and he closed his eyes in fear, holding the frame tight as Baekhyun slammed his palm on the wall. "How could you not tell me? How could you do that without telling me?"

Jongdae sighed, deflated, and looked away from Baekhyun, "Would you listen if I tell you I will explain everything?"

"What is there to explain more than the fact you led me on, that you did hide things from me, that you left me!" Baekhyun sounded like he could slap Jongdae anytime and Jongdae looked at him.

He scoffed, "Yeah, because it was so easy for me to live with this extra limb of mine, right? It was so easy to hide with a growing belly and raise my kid alone, don’t you think so?"

"You made that choice," Baekhyun growled and Jongdae shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. "You are the reason a kid grew up without his father."

Baekhyun left and Jongdae was left alone with his sobs and agony. He returned to work with the worst headache ever but he forced himself to work. He was happy to see Jonghyun and planned to cuddle his son until he manage to sleep.

He didn't expect Kyungsoo to show up at his door with Baekhyun and Sehun. Jongdae picked his son and held him close, "Kyungsoo…" Jongdae wanted to say a lot of things but an arm blocking his path was a clear message and he simply put the kid down. "Let us open the door, okay?" Jonghyun nodded, still holding tight on his father's pants. Jongdae picked him up as he went in, taking off his shoes and turning on the light. "Are you hungry, baby boy?"

"Mommy, I want to go to the bathroom," Jonghyun seemed quite uncomfortable and Jongdae set him down.

"I will make us food." Jongdae ruffled his son's hair before the kid could go. He picked out ingredients and nearly turned the stove on when hands held his.

"Don't do this," Kyungsoo scolded, even if his face was terribly sad, "Don't act like you have no emotions. Stop acting like you feel nothing."

Jongdae looked at him for a while before Sehun came to the rescue. He led Jongdae to sit by Baekhyun's side and Jongdae could only rest back on it and close his eyes as his tears fell down. "Mommy! Hyunnie is done!" Jongdae nearly choked on his tears.

"I am coming!" He stood when a hand held his and he looked at Baekhyun who kept looking ahead. He managed to break free and help his son clean up. Jonghyun sat on his chair obediently and Jongdae gave him coloring books to pass time. Kyungsoo was still in the kitchen and jongdae looked at his friend as pain tore him. He looked like he was about to erupt into tears only to swallow it back and remain neutral.

"I never realized you were this good at faking things," Baekhyun spoke spitefully and Jongdae was automatically hurt by it but chuckled.

"Funny, isn't it ?" Jongdae looked at his son and sighed, "I guess that is why my son is an open book to me even if he doesn't show much emotion."

"He got that from his mother, I guess," Kyungsoo handed him a plate, as well as Baekhyun. Sehun handed Jonghyun a plate and joined him at the table, distracting Jonghyun from the discussion on the couch.

Jongdae picked his chopsticks up and took a bite of the food only to lose control over his expression. Kyungsoo picked a napkin and dried his tears, as Jongdae tried to eat despite his threatening breakdown. He missed Kyungsoo's cooking so much it twisted his heart. "Slow down, Jongdae," Kyungsoo took the plate and fixed Jongdae's face, "I am not leaving until I get to the bottom of it."

Jongdae held on Kyungsoo's shoulder, shaking, "I was… I was scared." Kyungsoo frowned and Jongdae felt like his throat was going to burst, "you kept treating me like I was broken and at some point, I felt like I was but," Jongdae looked at Baekhyun briefly, "I met Baekhyun."

Kyungsoo blinked expressionlessly, "maybe I was babying you but it doesn't explain why you left me, with a simple text message." Kyungsoo's angry expression made Jongdae let go and hold himself.

"I fell pregnant as soon as Baekhyun and I had unprotected sex and facing you with that secret was hard." Jongdae sniffed. "I hid my ability to have kids for a reason, Kyungsoo."

"You thought I will see you as a freak? That I would give up on you for that?" Kyungsoo's voice rose as he kept speaking, "Do you even know me?"

"I do," Jongdae looked up, "You would have asked me to abort the kid," Kyungsoo looked slapped, "because back then having a kid could have killed me." A silence followed his words, "My womb is so fragile, one of us could have died but I fought on my own to get the baby. I loved the father so much I wanted to keep the baby against my own body."

"Did you ever love Chanyeol?" Sehun asked from where he was, "Because you moved on from that pretty fast."

Jongdae looked at him, expressionless, "I aborted the kid I was about to have with him, so maybe not enough and maybe that is why he left without bothering himself to explain or say goodbye." Jongdae looked at Baekhyun, "When I found out I was pregnant with Baekhyun's kid, I was terrified and lost but giving up on that kid was the last thing on my mind." 

"Then why did you leave? Do you know how hard we tried to find you the past seven years?" Kyungsoo picked his food and ate a bit, avoiding Jongdae's eyes. "You have no idea how we suffered your absence."

Jongdae smiled sadly, "I think I do," Kyungsoo looked at him angrily, "I was alone, Kyungsoo, in the past seven years," He leaned back, looking at the ceiling. "I was about to contact you a million times but I kept myself back." Kyungsoo looked at him in shock when he looked back at his friend, "I truly wanted to hide only until I had the baby and then come back to you but the more time passed, the hardest it felt for me. I knew that no matter what I tell you, It would not excuse me. You may never forgive me, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, but…" his face morphed into pain and he shed more tears. "I wished you were there when I gave birth to Jonghyun. I wish I had you in my life still." Jongdae sniffed, chuckling, " I was sleeping in a room with five other patients and they hadt families visiting them while I was waiting for the time I could leave the bed and hold the only thing that I had left."

"Jongdae…" Kyungsoo looked about to cry and Jongdae was about to say something but Jonghyun approached him and hugged him.

Jonghyun hugged his mother and Jongdae hugged him back, "Jonghyun can feel when I need a hug, we cuddled most of the time, didn't we?" Jonghyun nodded, "with Jonghyun, I never felt lonely. Jonghyun made me happy as much as he could but… I missed you so much. All of you."

Hands reached his face and he looked at Kyungsoo who approached him and pulled him to a hug, "I missed you too, Jongdae," Kyungsoo held his hand, "You are my beloved brother not just a friend, Jongdae. I wish you trusted that I will understand." Jongdae sighed and held on Kyungsoo's hand..

They remained there for a moment when Jongdae pushed Jonghyun away, "Jonghyun ah," The kid looked at him in surprise, "I promised that once you are seven, I will tell you who is your dad, right?" The kid nodded, "I know there is still sometime before it but I want you to meet him." Jongdae looked at Baekhyun who was looking at Jonghyun with a warm expression that made Jongdae feel scared, "This is your appa, Baekhyun. Hyun in your name is from his name."

Jonghyun looked at the man who waved at him softly, "Hi, Hyunnie." Baekhyun's tone reminded Jongdae of the time Baekhyun would speak like that to him. "I am sorry I wasn't around. I will make it up to you, okay?" He didn't have to see but he knew Jonghyun nodded and Baekhyun approached them to pick Jonghyun, "Come hug your daddy!" Jongdae nearly tightened his hold but he made himself let go.

He kept his eyes on the table, emotionless, "Stop holding back your emotions, Jongdae," The said man looked up to his hurt looking friend, hugged by his boyfriend. "Stop hiding." Jongdae stood and faced the window. He looked ahead with a hand over lips as he sobbed. 

A hand on his pants made him look back to his son and he knelt to face his kid,."Hug?" Jongdae hugged his son, sobbing in agony and burying his face into Jonghyun. "There, there, mommy, the pain will fade away." Jonghyun was patting him and soon a hand joined him. Jongdae looked up to meet Baekhyun, who looked sad and Jongdae held on him. 

"Baekhyun…" Jongdae was shaking and Baekhyun simply leaned to kiss him.

"It is my fault," Baekhyun spoke, surprising both Jongdae and Jonghyun, "If I told you how much I wanted you in my life, maybe you would have considered telling me and staying with me. I was foolishly waiting for you to open up, when I could have done more to keep you with me."

"Why? I am a nobody…" Baekhyun shook his head, holding Jongdae's cheeks and drying his tears. "I hurt you."

"You did," Baekhyun smiled, "So make it up to me. You gotta make it up for the seven years I spent agonizingly trying to find answers to why you would think it is a good idea to leave me."

"I explained it in the letter I left. I left because I didn't want to wait until you did," Baekhyun glared at him, "I am a nobody. You barely knew anything about me back then, and to be honest," Jongdae looked away, "I felt like I was a toy you wanted to play with, and I accepted that. I didn't plan to fall for you either, but I realized I had around the second month, or so."

Baekhyun kept quiet for a moment, "Maybe you were, at first, someone I was planning to have fun with but you grew in my heart and you took most of it with you, Jongdae." Jongdae looked at him, unreadable. "I loved you back then… fuck, I still love you!" Baekhyun pulled him close as Sehun picked up Jonghyun who seemed tired from his spot. Baekhyun hugged Jongdae who wept against his chest, holding onto him like he will disappear into thin air. Baekhyun only held him back until he calmed down enough. "Jongdae," Jongdae nuzzled him.

"I am sorry, Baekhyun," Jongdae hiccuped, looking up. "Don't go, I am sorry." 

"That means we will leave," Jongdae looked at Kyungsoo who wore his shoes and picked his coat. "The discussion is not over but… one step at a time." Kyungsoo and Sehun left at that and Baekhyun pushed Jongdae up.

"You need to rest now," Baekhyun helped Jongdae to the bedroom, finding Jonghyun already there. Jongdae picked a plain shirt that he wore, joining Jonghyun and offered his hand to Baekhyun.

"Join us." Baekhyun took off his jeans and vest before sliding behind Jongdae, pulling him into a hug and Jongdae whimpered, "I love you too, Baekhyun. Please forgive me." Baekhyun rested his head above Jongdae, tightening his hold, "please."

Baekhyun sighed, "We will speak of it, later." Jongdae pulled Jonghyun close and Baekhyun rested a hand on his son's head, "Good night."

Yet, Baekhyun couldn't sleep. He didn't manage to as the cold in his heart melted through the evening as Jongdae whimpered and shed tears in his sleep. He imagined, as Jongdae spoke about the time of the operation, a lonely Jongdae in the hospital gown, unable to wait for anyone because he left them all behind. It sounded terrifying and he wondered how Jongdae could do that. He imagined that being a male who can carry babies was already making Jongdae feel like a freak, no wonder he thought of himself as a nobody. Baekhyun was definitely shocked but never did he stop loving Jongdae. 

He felt Jongdae stir awake and looked at his watch; it was six am. Jongdae turned to face him and he looked as Jongdae forced his eyes open, "Good morning." Jongdae faced Baekhyun's chest and buried himself in for a minute or two before letting go. "I have to take Jonghyun to my mom."

"They know?" Jongdae nodded, looking back to his kid whom he kissed.

"I met Jongin accidentally three years ago," Jongdae looked at Baekhyun who frowned, "I told him about Jonghyun so he didn't push me to meet anyone. He knew how serious that was for me. He is the one who found me the job at your company." Baekhyun sat up. "And as soon as I got the job, he brought mom to help me take care of Jonghyun. Jonghyun won't start school until next month so he remains most time with a woman I know who take care of kids for money or now, with mom."

Baekhyun held his hand and pulled him close, "Have you told her about me?" Jongdae shook his head, looking away, "then I will take him. I met your mother often when Kyungsoo and I were looking for you. I know where they live." Jongdae looked at him in surprise, "Take your time, okay."

"Okay," Jongdae was hesitant for a moment and Baekhyun was about to ask him why he doesn't look like he trusts him when Jongdae kissed his cheek and walked out of the room. It made Baekhyun scoff, approaching his beautiful son. Baekhyun enjoyed looking at Jonghyun a lot. He was so cute and adorable, quite like his mother.

Jongdae returned with a towel in his waist and picked a formal suit. He wore it under Baekhyun's studying eyes. "You lost a lot of weight," Jongdae looked at him, surprised, "but I guess I did too."

"Yeah," Jongdae looked back to the mirror and fixed his tie. "You will be back to work on Monday?" Baekhyun hummed. "You can ask for more, Mr. Kim seems worried for you."

"He doesn't have to," Baekhyun looked at him with a smile. "I found what I was looking for." Jongdae smiled, looking away. He went to make breakfast, making scrambled eggs and toast, he set the table and approached the bed only to freeze. Baekhyun was sobbing, hugging Jonghyun, and Jongdae could only step back. His appetite lost, he picked up his bag and walked out of the house.

He tried to work but Junmyeon could feel something was off, "Jongdae, sit." Jongdae gave him a shocked look, "Please."

"Sir?" Jongdae tightened his hold on the pen as Junmyeon handed him a credit card.

As Jongdae held it confusedly, Junmyeon smiled. "I realized you needed a break from work so I will give you a different task." Jongdae relaxed considerably and nodded. "Pick us both some good coffee and delicious pastries." Junmyeon looked at his watch, "We still have an hour before the first meeting."

"Sure, sir. I will be right back," Jongdae called his brother and ordered the coffee. He was smiling when he came to fetch them and returned to work in a good mood. Who wouldn't happy getting free food? He nearly didn't notice the surprise in the people around them. He just ignored it and got in with a huge smile that died as soon Junmyeon's hard eyes landed on him. 

"Dae Dae!" Jonghyun rushed to his side and Jongdae nearly dropped the coffee. He held his son's hand as soon as Baekhyun came into view to take the coffee.

"It smells good," Baekhyun gave a cup to Junmyeon who gave him a glare, "Come on, don't be like this, Junmyeon." 

"You nearly killed yourself at work during the past seven years and you tell me to not be like what? Angry? Pissed?" Jongdae picked his son, shaking as he kept his eyes away from them. "What do you expect me to feel, Baekhyun?"

"It is all good now, Myunnie," Baekhyun approached Jongdae and took Jonghyun from him. "Isn't my son beautiful? He looks like me when I was his age," Jongdae stepped back, feeling like he is not part of the discussion. 

"Definitely," Junmyeon smiled to the kid as Baekhyun approached him, "Hey, such a sweet baby. How old is he?" 

"He will be seven in April." Jongdae answered, holding his stomach because he felt in such pain, he had no idea why, and he leaned on the wall to talk. 

Junmyeon looked at him in surprise, "How did you know?" He looked at Baekhyun who approached Jongdae with a worried look, "How did he know?"

"He is the mother of that kid," Jongdae noticed Jonghyun and picked his son who hugged him automatically. "Are you okay, Jongdae? You look like you will pass out anytime."

Jongdae nodded and tried to control his face but the tears betrayed him, "I am sorry." Baekhyun approached him and held his face, forcing Jongdae to look up.

"I forgave you," It made Jongdae hold onto him, both relieved and guilty. "Now calm down, our son is worried for you." Jongdae looked at Baekhyun who blinked at him. It was until he wobbled that Baekhyun moved, leading Jongdae to a chair. "Sit, Dae."

"Jin ah, bring me a cup of water," Junmyeon asked through the phone and stood to hand Baekhyun a towel. "He is in a state of panic."

Baekhyun nodded, observing Jongdae who was shaking like a leaf in the wind. He caressed Jongdae's hair, waiting for him to calm down. The water was handed to him and Jonghyun was the one who held the cup as Jongdae's were shaking. He looked at his son and smiled, "Thank you, Hyunnie."

"Mommy, hug?" Jongdae nodded and pulled his son to a hug, closing his eyes and enjoying Baekhyun's hands in his hair. It took him a while to calm down and smiled at Baekhyun who sat by his side.

"I was planning to see you before lunch, take you and Hyunnie to a nice restaurant." Jongdae shook his head. "You don't want to?"

"Mr. Kim has a meeting in less than," Jongdae looked at his watch, "en minutes, and we will have lunch with them."

Baekhyun pouted, "But I want to have lunch with you." For once, Jongdae's face expressed happiness and he kissed Baekhyun right there. Baekhyun was surprised but melted in it.

"I will make it up to you," Jongdae's tone was filled with hope."I promise to you that I will make it up to you."

Baekhyun smiled "Does that mean you will go on a date with me?" Jongdae nodded after a moment, "Will you move in with me?" Jongdae was about to object but Baekhyun stopped him, "I mean later."

Jongdae looked down. "if you still think I am worth it, yes." Jongdae looked up to meet Baekhyun's eyes. "I would love to."

Jongdae could only wave to Baekhyun and his son as he followed Junmyeon. The CEO spoke to him in a cold firm manner the entire day and Jongdae was glad. 

He met Baekhyun and Jonghyun after work, heading to a restaurant for dinner. They got a discreet table, ordered and soon faced each other silently. "I regretted not talking to you when I got my first sonogram," Jongdae spoke, looking at the pictures on the wall. "I cried for weeks when I left you, because I wanted to go back and explain, but god… how scared I was. I am still scared," he looked at Baekhyun who was observing him, "I am scared that you take Jonghyun away from me and disappear, as pay back."

Baekhyun frowned, obviously hurt, "I am not going to do that, ever," Jongdae nodded holding his hand.

"But fear is irrational," Jongdae smiled sadly, "I knew my fears were irrational but I was so weak that I couldn't fight them and now they grew so much. You have no idea how many times I woke up from nightmares, Baek." Jongdae looked at Jonghyun who had finished drawing on the menu. "Most of the time, I dreamed you will come to take Jonghyun away because I was a selfish stupid man," Jongdae was soon shedding tears, "But I truly believed I did the best thing for us." Jongdae seemed to notice something and waved with a smile to someone from afar. Jongdae looked at Baekhyun suddenly, "If you reacted to my condition negatively, back then, I think I would have ended my life."

Shocked, Baekhyun was about to say something when a tall man stood by their table, "Jongdae," the man smiled offering his hand. "It is nice to see you after so long," Jongdae stood to shake hands with him and smiled.

"Nice to see you after so long, Chanyeol," he looked at Baekhyun. "This is my boyfriend, Baekhyun, and our son, Jonghyun." Chanyeol's expression morphed into a shock but he said nothing as he patted Jonghyun's head. "Do you want to join us?"

"No, my boyfriend is waiting for me," Chanyeol pointed to the man who was standing by the door, looking at them with a deer in the headlights look. "Maybe we can catch up someday," Jongdae's smile faltered, "I have a lot to tell you."

"Me too," Jongdae smiled, shaking his hand again, and said nothing as Baekhyun shook hands with Chanyeol. "Goodbye, Chanyeol." Chanyeol gave him a look and sighed with a smile.

"Goodbye, Jongdae." Jongdae said nothing for a while and thankfully the food came and Jonghyun started blabbering about tons of things which Baekhyun seemed more focused on. In the back of Jongdae's mind, the questions he buried inside his mind resurfaced and he played with his food for a while.

"Eat, Jongdae," Baekhyun said and Jongdae realized he was being offered food. He smiled and took a bite but Baekhyun could see Jongdae was bothered, "It's your ex, right?"

"I never truly thought of him since I met you but the questions are coming back." Jongdae looked at Baekhyun and the man looked jealous. "I am wondering if I would survive you leaving me. I wonder if you are making a mistake, Baekhyun, because I am not..."

"Don't decide for me," Baekhyun held Jongdae's hands and pulled them close. "Even if Jonghyun wasn't in the picture, I would have done the best I can to get you back."

Jongdae recalled the first time Baekhyun showed up at his door and his kiss, "You missed me that much? After all I did." Jongdae found himself shedding tears and looking down.

"I loved you more every second you spent with me, I kept loving you more everyday you were away and I will love you even more no matter what you do." Jongdae was suddenly a mess, despite his stoic face and smile. His tears didn't stop and Jonghyun had to give him his napkin. "Stay, Jongdae. Please, stay and let  _ us  _ work."

Jongdae covered his face to cry silently, touched, happy and relieved, before nodding. Baekhyun never felt happier.

Baekhyun came back to work in a better mood, everybody felt it even if they had no idea why, and sneaked in Junmyeon's office to kiss Jongdae. "If you are going to be like this, I am going to prohibit you from coming to my office," Junmyeon warned with a firm tone,."Let Jongdae do his work."

"See you at lunch," Jongdae chuckled as Baekhyun left energetically and looked down to his steady hands. 

He was still scared but he realized he was not weak and surely not  _ alone.  _ Baekhyun made efforts so Jongdae knew as much. He opened up to Baekhyun, allowing him to take him into dates, even took him to meet Baekhyun's family. The dinner was awkward but Jonghyun managed to win their hearts so Jongdae was fine with it. As long as it was making up to Baekhyun, he was okay. 

He moved into Baekhyun's place before Jonghyun would join school, since the school next to his father's house had a better reputation and they could go to work together. He explained nothing to anybody but the entire company could see Baekhyun's flirtatious manners and the happiness that shone through Jongdae's mask. 

Jongdae was really happy, even if after three months with Baekhyun, he realized something while having Baekhyun still deep inside, "Shit, not again…" he groaned and Baekhyun looked at him in confusion, "I just remembered I didn't take any pills since I moved in."

Baekhyun gave him a look, "Do you have to?"

"Yes, I have to! I could be pregnant as we speak!" Jongdae was exasperated but instead of letting go, Baekhyun leaned to suck on his neck as he slammed himself in, hard, "Ah! Baek!"

The second round was long and sweet despite how Baekhyun gave so much strength to his thrusts. Jongdae could only cry as he felt good and all his worries evaporated. Just as they fell back from their cloud nine did Baekhyun let go, "What if I tell you I want to have another baby with you? Maybe even a dozen?"

Jongdae was confused for a second but he realized it wasn't a question and he smiled to Baekhyun sweetly, "I would tell you to work for it."

He didn't get the chance to check until a bump was showing up in his belly and a sonogram he did by lunch confirmed it. Back home that day, Jongdae stood by the huge mirror and looked at himself. Jongdae noticed it was really showing and as much as he was nervous, feeling Baekhyun's hands on it made it feel so real even if Baekhyun was just hugging him."What color do you see when you look at my belly?"

Baekhyun looked at the baby blue shirt Jongdae was wearing, "Baby blue, why?"

Jongdae chuckled, "Because we are having a baby," Baekhyun looked at him as if he was joking but soon cheers and tears followed. 

He realized then that neither he nor Baekhyun were going anywhere. It was meant to last and it would.


End file.
